


Sadism On Steroids

by PsychoJJ



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst, Awkward Kissing, BDSM, Body Hair, Boys Kissing, Chest Hair, Control, Depressing, Depression, Diary/Journal, Doctors & Physicians, Dom/sub, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, French Kissing, Hair, Homophobia, Kissing, Lemon, Light Angst, Light Dom/sub, Light Masochism, Light Sadism, M/M, Masochism, Naked Cuddling, Neck Kissing, New Family, Non-Consensual Kissing, Obsession, Overprotective, Possessive Behavior, Post-Wedding, References to Depression, Reluctant Sadist, Rough Kissing, Sadism, Secret Identity, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship, Size Difference, Size Kink, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Travel, Very Secret Diary, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:26:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 14,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21868993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoJJ/pseuds/PsychoJJ
Summary: This is a secret diary of a gay guy who confused obsession for love and married what he thought to be his best friend and soulmate. Together, they traveled to where they know nobody but each other, and that's when their relationship spiraled out of control.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 32
Kudos: 42





	1. Day One

Just arrived at our apartment, haven't unpacked my stuff yet but I gotta say, after living my entire life in a homophobic country, it feels so good to be where gay people are fully accepted, and I can't wait for me and the love of my life to officiate our marriage.

I don't need a party. We don't even have friends here to invite to our wedding. All I need is to be legally committed to my man, a ring on my finger and a kiss on my lips! I can't ask for more.


	2. Day Two

I am over the moon right now, just got back from the court and got married. It sounds crazy, right?! I never dreamed about such a thing becoming a reality. 

Honestly, I'm a bit sad that we couldn't invite any of our family members to make a wedding ceremony but it's just impossible because no one knows that neither I or my husband are gay in the first place. 

We convinced everyone back at home that we're traveling to study as besties, not a couple. I gotta admit that I still feel a little guilty for lying to my parents about this, but I had no other choice.


	3. Day Three

My husband is a physician and he just started his new fellowship program, spending hours at the hospital, and as much as I admire how freaking sexy he looks in those scrubs I can't help but feeling lonely in this huge apartment whenever he's out for work. 

I'm thinking about bringing a pet or maybe looking for a job. I'll ask him about it first. I don't wanna do anything that could disturb his studying or job schedule and I wanna be always around when he gets back home, tired and wanting to relax. His happiness and comfort are my priorities after all. 


	4. Day Four

I just realized that I never mentioned my or my husband's name in this diary. Well, as we left our country, the first thing we did was to change our first and last names to make it almost impossible for our families to track us down once they find out that we're married.

So, my new name is Theodore and his new name is Anthony. Of course, he calls me Theo and I call him Tony, and it took some time to get used to but we eventually did, and our original names started to feel irrelevant.


	5. Day Five

Last night while I was cuddling Anthony, I buried my face in his perfectly groomed yet hairy chest before asking him so politely if it was ok for me to look for a job since he spends most of the day at the hospital and I stay all alone. He refused but he did it in the sweetest most romantic way. Many people might consider him absurdly controlling but I love how overprotective he is of me.

He whispered "Theo, my princess, look at me" and when I raised my head, he gently wiped few hairs that stuck on my forehead from his chest, placed a careful kiss on my nose and when our lips met he explained, "when we got married you said that we'll be a husband and husband but I said no and insisted that you'll be my wife, remember?" 

I couldn't help but smile before whispering "yeah" and he followed "and I can't stand the idea of my wife, working where other men can see and check her body" then, he caressed my hips and elaborated "I swear to God, if anyone, even by mistake, glanced at your butt, I would murder him in cold blood. Would you want me to go to jail because of my stupid jealousy?" 

I laughed and said "of course not" as he french kissed me and followed "then, at least, until I find you a job that you can do from home, can you promise to stay my housewife?" and I didn't want that, but I loved Tony too much to say no. So, I kissed him back and whispered into his lips "absolutely!" and I have no regrets. He makes me the happiest man alive and I wanna do the same for him.


	6. Day Six

Not much happened today. It's a weekend yet I'm spending it alone as Anthony is on-call and he'll be at the hospital for the upcoming 24 hours. Since I have plenty of time, I took a look at what I wrote in my diary yesterday and just realized one important thing about my husband that I never mentioned here.

I usually refer to both of us as gay but in reality, unlike me, he's bisexual. In fact, when our plans to leave our country and get married weren't working and it seemed impossible for us to be together, he almost gave up and was about to get committed to a girl. It wasn't just escapism. He truly enjoys being in a relationship and having sex with females and males alike.

He's a handsome guy and I can't deny that the fact that he was open to all kinds of relationships made me so insecure but eventually, it made me feel so special that a man who finds both genders hot and sexy chose me of all people. Of course, it puts pressure on me to constantly prove myself every time we have sex but it also made me confident of how attractive I am.


	7. Day Seven

I actually didn't write this on the exact date but rather sometime around the next morning. That's because I was so exhausted. It was Anthony's day off and we spent the whole time intimately. To be honest, I didn't do much. I was just laying there and he was the one calling the shots.

Things were different than usual. Every move was done on a different level of passion. I'm sure being married has something to do with it but it was also the first sex we had since our arrival here. We were sleeping under the same bed cover every night but my husband seemed always tired and I didn't wanna push him to do it.

All through our first week, aside from the post airplane exhaustion and the different sleep hours, he was busy between work and bringing new stuff to the apartment, furniture, oven, refrigerator, heater, you name it, and by the end of the day, he could barely keep his eyes opened while I try my best to—well—entertain him in bed.

Anyway, I'm not gonna write the details of our sex here. I don't feel comfortable with that right now but I hope I'll grow to be so soon. All I'm gonna say that it was unique. Anthony was more firm and authoritarian than ever. I was definitely surprised by that, but I can't say that I hate it. If anything quite the opposite.


	8. Day Eight

It was the start of a new week. While Anthony left to work, I stayed home, cleaning the bed sheets and doing the laundry, having a hard time, getting the flashbacks of yesterday's sex out of my head. Despite being alone, I couldn't stop smiling all day at how amazing we were. 

I was so in love that I really needed to talk to anybody just to tell them how much I admire and even worship my husband! He seemed to be pretty happy with "my performance" in bed too. As soon as he got back from the hospital, despite being obviously worn out, he insisted that we go to the mall and watch a movie.

For his sake, I tried to say no but with all the cuddling, butt squeezing and kissing it was absolutely impossible to refuse anything that man wants. We went to the cinema, had some food and went shopping. I bought a few books to learn about cooking, and he was satisfied with that too. He even whispered to me "it's nice to have other delicious, sweet cakes in the house, other than your buttocks XD"

I was flattered and I love his new "all the time about sex" approach. He was so seducing with his words and touches to the point where I almost forgot that we're in public. That was the nice part of hanging out though. The other part was so unpleasant and kind of awkward. It's unbelievable how jealous Anthony gets when someone looks or smiles at me. 

He can't help but place his hand on my waist just like screaming "this boy is mine!!" and the longest I keep eye contact with any random dude in the mall, the more I can feel my overprotective husband, doing his best not to grab my butt to assure authority and even ownership in front of everyone.

Don't get me wrong, we weren't having a disagreement or anything. It was just a naughty play. In fact, whenever he got so anxious and jealous, I stood on the tip of my toes —as I was way shorter than him— just to french kiss him and calm his anger, and I gotta tell you, it worked like a charm! It worked every time and it felt so good both to have such a place in his heart and also for us —a couple who escaped a homophobic country— to kiss publicly!


	9. Day Nine

I started the day with a failing attempt to make a decent breakfast. Anthony didn't complain about it but I know it wasn't that good. As soon as we shared our good-bye kiss and he went to the hospital, I put on my apron and started experimenting around the kitchen, trying to make something both healthy and tasty.

I gotta say, I expected cooking to be easier than that. It turned out to be something—sophisticated, something that will keep me busy for some time before I master it, if ever. One thing that stopped the flow of my day was when I realized that many of the furniture and stuff seemed to be moved around, at least not as I remember them.

I got a little paranoid because I recall placing certain items in a certain way before heading to the mall yesterday, and it's obvious that it was displaced. I didn't move them and Tony was with me all through yesterday since he got from work till he fell asleep. I'm 100% sure that he didn't move anything either.

Giving the fact that this apartment has no room service and no one has the right to get in and clean it, the only two who have keys to access it are me and my husband. It was so weird that even the toilet and the shower curtain were opened and I'm pretty damn sure of closing them.

I called Anthony and told him. I tried to keep my calm so he doesn't freak out. He told me that he'll call the apartment owner and check the security footage at the building's entrance. Hopefully, everything is fine and I'm just exaggerating.


	10. Day Ten

I spent last night in my husband's arms and we ended up sleeping on the sofa. I was genuinely scared. I might be exaggerating but think about it. We live alone in a foreign country and if someone is stalking us, we better be careful as we're obviously very easy prey for robbery. 

Anthony never stopped taking care of me all through the night. Aside from the romance, he kept swearing to me that he watched every millisecond of the security footage and that no one ever came close to our apartment while we were out. I for sure believe him, yet something just doesn't add up. 

I have no doubt in my mind that my closet, the toilet, and the shower curtain were all closed when I left the apartment, and someone came in and opened them all. I don't know why would anybody do that, and I can't explain why nothing was stolen but since I don't believe in ghosts, there has to be more to this incident than what meets the eyes.

Maybe, it's my husband who did it behind my back and never told me, perhaps as a prank or a surprise. I honestly don't know, but he seems pretty relaxed during the whole thing which makes me less anxious because I know him, if I was in real danger, he wouldn't be this calm and careless. Hopefully, things will be okay.


	11. Day Eleven

I just realized something quite fascinating about our relationship. We're both twenty-seven. We've been together since we were nineteen which means that we have been partners for almost a decade, and despite having to sneak behind our families and friends back to be intimate, we managed to have sex more than I could count at this point.

The weird thing is despite Anthony being so comfortable around me not just in bedroom but to the point where he might grab my waist or even my butt in public, yet we never saw each other's bodies! We never did it with the lights on, ever! I was always extremely shy and he respected that, for eight freaking years! That's a lot, now that I think of it! God! The patience of my husband is unbelievable!

My body is perfect for a bottom but I never made piece with the idea of someone else enjoying the view. It has nothing to do with his body image either. He has always been fit and had an athletic build and in the past two years, he started hitting the gym more often and got beefier. I'm not a big fan of muscles but I love him anyway, and I'm bringing all this up now because as we moved to a new country, he joined a new gym with a new personal trainer.

Yesterday night, while we were cuddling naked in bed, he told me that he wanna up his game and do way more cardio than he ever did. I was like "Why? Is your hospital work that intense?" and he got his hand through the hair at the back of my head, smiled, kissed my nose and said "no, but as I told my trainer, I wanna be able to mount you every night"

I blushed and tried not to go in details into it and said "I don't remember complaining about—" and before I could finish, he shut my mouth with a kiss and whispered "you look too adorable when embarrassed" then he reached to my buttocks, separated and squeezed them at the same time while waiting for me melt in his arms. I never felt as helpless in my life XD

He kissed again and this time, he synced the kisses with the butt squeezing before whispering "I know you too well, my little princesses. You don't need to talk. I can tell just by looking you in the eyes, by the way, you wrap your thighs around me. I can even feel how big your balls are against my skin, and I know exactly how needy you are, and when and how you need it!"

I'm not gonna lie, it's hard to keep up with him when he does these things in bed, but I love everything about it. I was quite speechless as he brushed his lips against mine and just kept going "my goal is to be fit enough to have sex with you every day of the rest of my life, Theo, and I'm gonna make it happen very soon."

I was blushing so bad that I buried my face in "my usual haven whenever I get too shy to make eye contact with him" right in between his hairy pecs, trying to keep myself together and praying to God that he'll stop, squeezing and moving my ass cheeks around before I come all over him.

Well. He can read my body language like no one else does. So, he did let go of my bum, slid his palm across my back till he fisted a hand on my hair, raised my head so he can see my face as he followed "Also, starting soon, I wanna see every inch of your body in DAYLIGHT and I wanna show you mine" and I couldn't help but tense every muscle in discomfort as he added with a smirk "not tonight! Don't worry, not tonight. Just be ready for that, okay?"

He didn't let go of my hair which was tightly pulled into his fist until I whispered "sure" not that I would say "no" to him in any condition. He just loved to express his dominance, and for some reason, I did too. I never saw this side of him before. I never imagined him as brutal in the way he handles and moves me around the bed. Maybe that's what marriage changed in him or perhaps it's how he has always been but he was being patient for a decade for my sake. Either way, I'm on board, and there's nothing he can do or say that will make me love him any less!


	12. Day Twelve

I stayed up most of the night, listening to Anthony's heartbeat as I was lying in his arms with my head right over his chest. I was so anxious about the fact that he wanna see me naked in daylight and I ended up oversleeping because of it. 

When I woke up he was long gone, and he left me a little message that says "if I wanted to see your goodies, I could've done that in any of the mornings that I woke up before you, but I want you to show me the most sensitive and private parts of you voluntarily" with a heart drawing next to it.

I smiled at the stupidity of the message at first, but soon after that, I had this terrifying realization and the scariest idea ever. What if Tony never was really kind to me? What if he was just playing safe when we were among our friends and family because I could've easily walked away? I could've escaped any time he embarrassed me or put me through hard situations!

I'm starting to worry that the change in his behaviors isn't something happening naturally and spontaneously. It seems more like a planned thing to me. I don't know. I hope I'm reading too much into this, because if I'm not, I have nowhere else to turn to, and if things get really awkward or ugly, I'll definitely talk to him and let him know everything I feel. He always listened I'm sure he always will.


	13. Day Thirteen

The day went peacefully. I didn't need to strip or anything like that, and Anthony went a step further and said that he waited eight years. So, he definitely can wait until the next weekend as he had to work at the hospital most of this weekend anyway.

Now that I think of it, it seems a bit unfair of me to blame him for wanting such a thing. It's natural. It's universal and the fact that I'm not into it doesn't make him automatically evil just because he asked for it.

I got a bit of hypocritical. That's so true but I also can't shake the feeling that my concerns are not entirely baseless. The way he has been treating me since we left our country is unquestionably different. Both what he says and what he does.

Maybe that's just a honeymoon thing but it's ridiculous how he always goes after my butt with his sight and even his hands, jiggling it all the time! It's embarrassing and he does it as a regular thing which just makes it more embarrassing.

Just as he arrived from work today, I asked "how was your day?" and he hugged and kissed me while reaching with both hands to my ass cheeks, shaking them before even closing the apartment door as he whispered, "as long as I have those lips to kiss, and this butt bouncing over my cock every now and then, all my days are perfect!"

Do you see what I'm talking about? You see how the mention of his "dick" and me riding it got into the conversation so quickly and almost out of nowhere?! That's what's worrying me. I guess some people find these things purely romantic but personally, it creeps me out and I really I doubt that newly married brides get as sexualized as I'm these days. It's just too much.

Perhaps the fact that we're both gay men makes it easier for Anthony than any other groom to express that all he wants is sex. Yet, I miss our normal best friend's discussion. I miss how he used to compliment how smart and intelligent I'm or talk about things that don't direct us into jumping in bed again.

Nowadays all he says is an arousing description of my body. I like it and I absolutely love every millisecond of the sex that comes after it. I do for now but I can't see this going on as a lifetime theme without hurting our relationship. Maybe I'm reading too much into it again. I'll see in a month where things go.


	14. Day Fourteen

I have never been as disappointed in my entire life. My husband works six days a week, and when he finally had a day off, he wasted it for both of us, not only that but in the most embarrassing way for me, ever. I don't even know where to start!

I never felt like I'm being used as I felt today. I was so hurt that I wasn't in the mood to pick my diary and write at all, but since those short paragraphs help me getting things off my chest, I didn't wanna stop the habit. 

In the early morning, Anthony went to the gym and when he got back, he brought with him his new friend and his personal fitness trainer; David. He invited to our apartment the same guy whom he once told that he wanna up his cardio game to be able to fuck me every day!

Can you imagine how awkward it was for me to shake hands and welcome someone who knows this much about us? That was just the start though. Right at the door as they came in, my husband hugged me so tight, rising my feet from the floor and spinning me around, just to stop with my butt facing David. 

That's when he approached for a kiss while jiggling my ass cheeks in front of his friend! I was wearing tight, light-colored yoga pants and every curve of my bum was crystal clear and the last thing I needed for my husband to show off like that. 

He didn't stop there. He crossed all the lines in the world as he whispered: "I missed you as much as those can part!" While pulling my buttocks apart from each other in front of another man! I don't even know if that "David" is homo or straight or anything else. It was just so weird for everyone involved.

I tried not to make things worse. I kissed my husband back and said "I missed you too" as he let me down from the hug. It was so cringy and creepy, as I walked next to them that Anthony didn't bother to stop crossing his fingers on my yoga pants, through the cleavage of my buttocks.

I know we're married and I know that David is fully aware that we're madly in love but there's no point of publicly displaying affection to such an extreme extent. There's no point in me, my husband and a total stranger, all having to struggle to adjust and hide our boners at the same time!

Well. Things did get a little bit less embarrassing over time, as they sat down on the sofa while I walked behind the kitchen counter, both to hide my erection and to play my role as a housewife and prepare something to drink for my husband's guest.

It turned out they're challenging each other on some video game, and if Anthony wins he'll get three months of free personal training at the gym, and if David wins, he'll decide what kind of prize he wants.

Anyhow, I waited for my erection to calm down and went and gave them the drinks, and as soon as I did, my crazy husband separated his legs ever so widely and asked me to sit on his lap, more specifically on his bulge!

I blushed as I did sit on his lap and I was like "are you sure you can focus on winning the challenge like that?" He paused the game, and despite the fact that David was setting a few inches next to us on the same sofa, Anthony started kissing me, almost making out with me!

He pushed me to lay down and the next thing I know that my head was resting on David's groin and my husband was kissing and licking the day and night out of my neck and clavicles, giving his new friend a chance to have a very close look at how my face and my parted lips look like when I'm in bed!

Anthony was in a generous mood. He grabbed my bulge, squeezed and kept squeezing until I let out a moan! Can you fathom that?! My husband; the most jealous and protective man in the world, intentionally forced me to moan in front of a total stranger, a stranger who was having a throbbing dick beneath my head by the way!

Anthony French kissed me again, pulling me all to himself, and when our lips finally detached, he whispered "I want your butt to be on my lap while I play video games, while I do this challenge, when I'm reading a book or even when I am driving my car! And I don't mind everyone watching us!" 

Then, he glanced at "David" who smirked and said "More power to you guys" before he and my husband continued playing while I'm on his lap, and every time Anthony got the upper hand in the challenge he took a moment to kiss me. That might have been sweet if the rest of the situation wasn't so horrible.

I went through a lot of shitty stuff after that but it's becoming so hard for me to relive and describe what happened. I'm too broken to write any of it at the moment. If I feel any better by tomorrow, I'll probably write it in tomorrow's diary because I'm literally in tears right now.


	15. Day Fifteen

Ok. Now that I have a bit more control over my emotions and tears, here's the rest of what happened yesterday between me, my husband and his new sick friend David. God only knows how much I hate that guy already!

Everything went downhill when Anthony lost the challenge, and of course, he will. He was horny as hell, working all week with almost no time to have sex with me and it was impossible for him to focus on the game with my butt spread all over his lap and bulge.

It's just not humanly possible! Thus, as I expected, he lost and it was the time for David to name his prize for winning the challenge. He, as they agreed, had the right to ask for anything he wants, no matter how good or evil it is, and somehow without notifying me, I was in the mix of all of it!

Before he picked his prize, David smirked, gazed at the left angle of my mouth for some weird, twisted, fucked up reason. Then, he looked at my husband and said: "you remember the first time you showed me Theo's photo at the gym?"

I can't believe that Anthony was childish enough to do that but I could easily tell that he was getting uncomfortable as he answered: "Yeah, I told you that I'm willing to do anything for that boy including intense cardio" while caressing the outer sides of my hips.

My husband was trying his best to turn his creepy behaviors into something sort of romantic, but there was no doubt in my mind that showing my photos to others and telling them how fuckable I am is absolutely disgusting and even if I wanted to, there was no way I could feel any romance with a weirdo sitting next to us.

David smiled, shamelessly double-checked the curves of my butt and spine before following "yeah and at the time I told you that I bet he's worth it. I'm not even gay and imagining those encouraged lips around my cock drives me horny!" 

That's what he said back at the gym. Just like it wasn't perverted enough, he repeated the same thing again while alternating his sight between his bulge and my lips! He was carelessly talking about how attractive I would look during a blowjob! In front of me and my husband! What the hell is wrong with this dude?! 

I was furious but I didn't think that I'll need to defend myself anyway. I was sure that my husband will put him in his place. I was expecting Anthony to punch him in the face, or even beat him to death! That's what I always thought about the man I love and his unmatched jealousy! But he somehow kept his damn cool!

He took a moment and kissed me again, making sure that his friend sees how our lips intertwine before looking at him whispering "and at the time I responded, that I never had Theo sucking my dick. Because I respect him so much to force him or even let him do that" and that was truly the case.

All through the past decade, I never sucked my husband's cock not even once because he always insisted that giving a blowjob is a "humiliating experience" and that he loves me so much to watch me as humiliated. Since I never been with anyone else, I never sucked a dick. I don't know how it feels and I don't know how to feel about it.

Yet, Anthony's statement hit me really deeply. It reminded me of how much he used to respect me back in the days when we were at our homeland. Nowadays, I wouldn't be surprised if he rubbed his balls on my lips or came all over my face. He's just not the same person anymore.

He turned into the kind of men that would do anything for pleasure. He'll do the next sexiest thing that crosses his mind despite how I feel or how embarrassed I'm. A prime example of that is him forcing me to stay on his laps with his friend next to us.

Speaking of which, that bastard kept bringing up the discussion they had at the gym and added: "and when you told me that you love him too much to do such a thing, I was like—it a shame that you have a partner with those lips for eight years and you never fucked his face!"

I saw my husband tightening his fist at the possibility that David might ask to have me, give him a blowjob as his reward. That damn trainer didn't seem to care about my husband's anger as he followed "that's when you bragged, Anthony that if I ever kissed Theo's lips I'll understand why they're too perfect to be wrapped around a cock!"

My husband is a man of his world and if he promises something, he sticks to his promises. So, he himself was so angry about how things might end up as he asked "so?" and David smirked and said "I wanna know what's special about Theo's lips. I want him to kiss me as my prize"

At that moment, I knew that this is it! Anthony will kick David out of the apartment, quit the gym and find a new place to train, but none of that happened! When my husband didn't protest, my heart started racing insanely. I was like "you know we're married. right?" and David caressed my lips with his thumb and said "Yeah. Married or not, boys are always gonna be boys"

He glanced at Anthony who didn't intervene before pulling my lower lip down with his thumb and saying "I have a girlfriend but that doesn't change the fact that I'll always be naughty and playful no matter how old I grew or weather I'm committed or not. Besides, it's not cheating if your husband is watching, Theodore!"

I looked at Anthony like "say anything please!" and all he said was "I'm sorry honey. I can't go back on my words. It's the rules of the challenge, and as much as I hate this, you have to do it" and I could see the smirk on David's face turn into the widest smile ever.

Tears started to collect in my eyes as I had a hard time believing that I left my parents, my family, and friends to be with a man who is willing to let me go through all this just for a stupid challenge. I left my whole life behind chasing happiness not humiliation and it hurt so fucking much.

I don't know what the fuck happened to us, to our relationship. We've been married for less than two weeks. I'm technically still in my honeymoon and I'm starting to feel less like Anthony's wife and more like his slut! Or even worse his slave, and I've never felt so betrayed in my life.

My husband noticed that. He can tell if I'm upset even when I'm trying to hide it, and now I'm shedding tears all over my cheekbones yet I couldn't change his mind. He got his hand through the hair at the back of my head, pushed his nose against mine and said "it's just a kiss. And don't worry about me, I will look to the other side"

What scared me at the moment wasn't how okay he was with it, but the fact that I can sense his erection growing to its biggest form beneath my butt. As much as he tried to convince me and himself that he hates the situation, his subconscious was enjoying everything about it.

Just like things weren't embarrassing enough, David made things even harder as he looked at my husband and said "no! I want you to watch us as we kiss, Tony. I want you to do it while fingering Theo too!" and I was like "you can't be serious! You idiot!"

He smirked and was about to touch my butt when my husband blocked the way instinctively. Yet that didn't stop the bastard from making his point and saying "I won, didn't I? I could finger you myself if I wanted to. I'm just not that gay!"

Then he wiped my tears, looked at my husband and said "So, tell me Anthony, are you man enough to keep your promise and do as I wish, or are you just another beta who will give in for his little boy's will? Huh?"

My husband always had issues with straight men questioning his manhood because of his bisexuality, and there is no way he couldn't agree with David to save his image as an alpha male. So, he said "of course I will keep my words!" and he was about to shove the fabric of my yoga pants and my underwear into my butthole to start fingering immediately!

I was speechless at this point but the one who never stopped talking was David. He elaborated "No! Not like that, Tony. Slide your hand through Theo's clothes and finger his bare hole!" and my husband's erection started throbbing beneath me as he pretended to be confident and said "sure. Why not?!"

Kissing David and sharing tongues with him wasn't the worst thing I ever experienced but the fact that my husband came in his shorts because of that scared me to death. I couldn't help but feel like David had just awakened a new kink, a new fetish in Anthony's mind! A disturbing fantasy about having other men make out with me while he watches!

I wasn't sure but the fact that I can feel the wetness and viscosity of his semen at my crack was a clear sign of that! Even after David left the house while we were still on the sofa, I could tell from my husband's face, his widely opened eyes, his dropped jaw that quickly turned into a smirk that he just got his hand in the next hot thing to do with me.

I was unquestionably terrified and what made it scarer that Anthony didn't apologize at any point for getting me in the middle of this challenge. He didn't seem regretful at all. If anything he seemed amused and intrigued by how much he enjoyed something he never thought enjoyable!

I could tell from his facial expressions that he was reconsidering everything from how much pleasure would come if he dropped the whole jealousy thing to how much sexier his bedtime might get if he was okay with humiliating me and experimenting with all sorts of kinks like fucking my face and what have you!

David opened a window for our relationship to go into a dark path but I don't know if Anthony will take me there or not. He didn't seem to know either as he wasn't ready to make any comments on what just happened. He carried me to the bed and whispered "I'll go take a shower and get back to you, little one!" and he obviously wanted some time to think.

I laid in bed on my belly, with my face buried in between my elbows, crying out loud both because I was emotionally disturbed and to let my husband know that I hated what happened today. I wanted him to get out of the shower that was taking so damn long and say anything along the lines of "it will never happen again!"

When he finally did get out of the shower, he laid over me, kissing my nape and whispering "don't make a big deal out of it. I know it was embarrassing but it also was a lot of fun!" and I kept crying "please promise me that you'll never let something like that happen again" and he kept kissing me without ever making such a promise.

He finally put the nail in the coffin and whispered "we'll talk about it later when you calm down" and I've never been so clear about what I want as I kept sobbing "I'll never calm down if you don't promise to keep me just for you and to never get me involved with any of your pervert friends!"

He was so determined not to do so! He gave up on getting me to relax. He laid next to me, facing the other side of the bed and saying ever so honestly "I know that's not what you wanna hear but I can't lie to you, Theo. I can't promise that when it was the hottest thing I've done since I hit puberty until today! I'm sorry! As disturbing as it was, I just can't pretend that I didn't like it, Theodore! I hope you understand that" Then he went silent till he fell asleep!

Can you imagine that? He basically broke my heart and crushed my soul and slept so peacefully and so carelessly right next to me. Even in the morning when he saw how sad I was, he didn't bother to try to comfort me just like if I was making big deal out of nothing.

Right before he went to work, he gave me a good-bye kiss and said "trust me, you'll get used to it, and you might even grow to love it. Besides, let's be real, I can't bring a guy to our apartment every other night. All I'm asking is for you to keep an open mind about it! I know how much you love me, and I know you can do that for me"

I have a zillion question to scream on his face like "what the hell happened to his morals? God! What happened to his jealousy? How the fuck is he willing to do anything, absolutely anything to have a sexier orgasm despite the consequences and the circumstances?" But I didn't ask any of them, because he said what he wanted to say and left!


	16. Day Sixteen

Ever since the "David kiss incident" my husband did not stop at having nothing to apologize for. In fact, he started treating me like I'm the one who did a terrible mistake. He stopped cuddling and smiling at me. He never called to check on me from the hospital, and even when we sleep next to each other in bed, he's always facing the other side.

I tried. I swear I tried to convince myself that what happened wasn't wrong or abusive. I did my best to find any way to live with it, to somehow normalize it, but there was one flashback that I couldn't get out of my head, and every time I see it happening before my eyes, I can't help but explode in crying. It was the most hurtful moment of my life.

Imagine that, at some point, while David was kissing me, and you might assume it was a one-minute thing but no. It was somewhat between ten and twenty minutes. The kind of kissing that usually takes place before sex to be more specific, and yeah, my dear husband was okay with that, watching every detail of how humiliated I was through the process. 

As a matter of fact, he had two of his fingers inside me during all this just in case what I and David were doing wasn't inappropriate enough! Anyhow, halfway through that, David stopped kissing and looked at Anthony and by that time. my husband had stopped trying to pretend not being okay with any of it. It was crystal clear that he was enjoying it almost more than his personal trainer.

I swear to God, they looked like each other, smiling just like they were about to fuck me together. I felt the terror of being double penetrated as my husband said something and stopped at the last moment. He asked "shall we—" before he changed his mind, and I am pretty sure that he was gonna as David "shall we take this to the bedroom?!"

I know that because Tony gave me the "I'm so sorry" look right before he opened his mouth. I panicked but thank God that David was so horny to even notice that my husband was about to suggest anything. He looked at both of us and said: "Well. Now I kinda understand why you value these lips so much. It doesn't justify not fucking them but I gotta admit that I can hardly stop myself from eating them!"

Anthony flexed his two fingers inside me a couple of times as he laughed "trust me, I'm fully aware of that!" and David laughed so hard too just before saying "I gotta ask though, does his butthole tone change when I kiss him? I'm really curious!" and my husband had to adjust himself as his cock was getting painfully aroused before answering "yes, indeed!"

David added "does it go tighter or looser?" and Anthony said "come on! Of course tighter!" and the personal trainer blushed and was like "I am not gay, and I never fucked a girl in the ass! How am I supposed to know?!" then he smirked added, "anyhow, does it go even tighter when I do this?" While shoving his tongue in between my lips!

My husband winked at him and proudly answered "way, way tighter!" and all that David needed to say was "MAN! Kissing him while having your cock ball-deep inside him must be the sexiest thing ever! I can't imagine how amazing it would feel to have control over how his butthole tightens around the root of my cock!" and by the influence of these words, Anthony was coming a lot in his shorts already!

My husband wasn't ashamed of what happened at all. He even acknowledged that by shouting "Shit! SHIT! SHIT! Your words aroused the hell out of me, Damn it! I just came!" and David was like "Well, glad I could help, and I am happy to report that neither me or Theo lost control over our cocks. Remember when you bragged about how much control you have over your cum, Tony?"

My husband laughed, scratched his head and said "yeah, in a normal situation, not like that!" and the personal trainer kissed me one last time before leaving the sofa. He said "Maybe you're right, and maybe your sex life with that cute boy isn't as entertaining as it could be" then he walked to the apartment door while adjusting his boner and concluded, "I see a lot of unmet potentials here, and I think you need to work on that more than your cardio or anything else."

Then, he left and for some reason, I can't have this flashback without exploding in tears. Even as I wrote this, I'm crying helplessly and I have no idea how to heal from such a thing when my husband isn't willing to promise that it won't happen again! I gave up on trying to keep it together. I guess I'll just spend the rest of the day sobbing under the shower. That's the only way that might relive my anger and pain.


	17. Day Seventeen

I don't know if I'm starting to heal or if I'm tricking myself to believe so. Because, in reality, nothing has changed and my husband never talked about what happened ever again, and even worse, I, for the first time in my entire life, thought about leaving him! I seriously considered that!

Yet, I am not gonna sit here and lie to myself. I know it in my heart and soul that I'll never do. My relationship with Anthony goes beyond our eight years of being madly in love. Way before that, he has always been my best friend and the only one that can make me laugh in my most miserable days.

In fact, we only got close when he knew about my depression and how suicidal I was about a decade ago. That's when he started taking care of me. He stopped me from killing myself and since then, he always considered himself my guardian, and I love him so much that even when I'm crying because of him, I have no doubt in my mind that we'll always be together.

I'm not talking about a fantastic, imaginary bond. I genuinely believe that I have something for him in my heart that will never change even if he turned me into an actual slave. Even if he tied me up, and kept inviting like—ten different men to rape me every day, I will hate myself for letting him do it, sure, but I'll never be able to hate him!

Call me an unstable pervert if you want. Call me masochist if you must, but more importantly, call me quintessential lover! I believe in us, our loyalty and passion for each other and I know for a fact that our connection will help us overcome anything we face in life, as long as we stick together.

That's why I'm willing to adapt and cope. I'm willing to forget and forgive. I'll be by my husband's side no matter what, as a best friend, as a soulmate and even as a perfect obedient worshipper! Yeah, I'll be there for him for as long as he needs to realize that what we share is bigger than any kink and any sexual fantasy.


	18. Day Eighteen

This morning, I was in my pajama and apron while Tony was in his scrub and lapcoat. Before going to work, he urged me to set down next to him on the dining table and said that he wanna talk about what happened and clear the air. He placed his hand over mine and asked "still mad at me?" with a little smile on his beautiful lips. 

I looked down at our entwined fingers, and our untouched breakfast nodded and said "yeah" and he pulled my palm, kissed it ever so gently and asked "why?" and I had so much to say that I didn't know where to start.

I remained silent and my eyes started collecting tears just by remembering what happened with David. Anthony rushed to french kiss me while wiping my tears with both thumbs and whispered "Please, babe! Haven't you cried long enough over that? Don't you think it's about time to let it go?"

I pulled my lips together, torn apart between fighting for my rights and being a good, obedient wife for my husband. I finally said "Maybe I can forget what happened if you promised me that it won't ever happen again. I married you! I want to be with nobody but you!"

He didn't seem anywhere near changing his mind as he smiled calmly and said: "At one hand, I understand your concern, and I don't blame you for how you felt at the moment but on the other hand what I loved the most about our relationship, our friendship from day one till now is honestly, and I am not gonna sit here and tell you promises I can't keep, no matter how hard it is for me to watch you cry!"

I don't know why I saw my years of depression and suicidal thoughts before my eyes and remembered how tolerable Tony was through those tough times. I could feel the sobbing tune getting through my voice as I said "You used to do everything I want. I am not asking you the impossible here! I just don't want other men in our sex life! Is that too much to ask!"

Anthony took a deep breath and elaborated ever so frankly "Listen, Theo. I love you and I am committed and just I stood by your side through your mental illness, I expect you to the same for me. I have a crazy, sadistic dark side and despite the fact that it never manifested into our relationship, you know it is there, right?"

I mumbled "Yeah" and he went on "and I kept taming and suppressing it because I love you so much, and because you were in a really bad place, but now that you're more than happy and healthy, I hope you can help me relive those sadistic and kinky tensions I have within me! Besides, I am the kind of man who can not under any circumstances live with one sexual partner forever!"

I was scared to death at this last statement as he tried to hide his smirk and added "Calm down! I am not saying that I will break up with you because our relationship is not kinky enough. I am not suggesting anything! In fact, I will never let you go even if you want me to! I am just trying to make understand that as satisfied as I am with the intercourse, I need much more from you as my wife!"

I was getting emotionally exhausted as I said "whatever in your mind, just say it" and he didn't bother by how obviously overwhelmed I was as he followed "to make it clear for you, if someone with my level of sexual drive and insanity lived in ancient times he would be a womanizer! He would have a bunch of women and men, jumping from one whole to another all day long!"

I raised my eyebrows as he explained "what I am trying to say is that I like to have new sex experience every now and then" and I was like "why did you marry me then?" with all seriousness in the world! He saw how angry I was. So, instead of answering right away, he started french kissing me. I knew that he was trying to manipulate me and I wasn't in the mood to even smile as he paused kissing to answer "because you're real! And I love you more than anything in the world, and I enjoy your butt more than all these other sex experiences and fantasies combined!"

I tried not to, but I blushed at the compliment and that's when he knew that I let my guards down, and that's when he pulled me from my chair to sit on his lap. He kept french kissing me and I gotta admit that I hated myself and was about to cry because I was too week to resist his charm even when I needed to the most. I showed no interest, nor resistance at first but when he grabbed my butt with one hand and squeezed my bulge with the other, I subconsciously surrendered for him.

I was addicted to how easily he can turn me on and that addiction was the only way I got out of my depression all these years ago, and I was too afraid to give that up because I wasn't sure I could survive without it. Anthony can read my body language more than myself! He knew that he got me totally under control as he kept kissing and touching me for a while before whispering "I am your guardian, Theo, and will always protect you and put your happiness above all. Even above the temporal sadness, you feel when I introduce new things to your life. I am just trying to get you out of your sexual comfort zone. That's all"

I smiled despite my teary eyes and asked "how's that?" trying to show some protest when I was obviously boneless. He had a victorious smirk as he kissed both of my lids and answered "You always said that people put arbitrary rules on themselves, traditions, cultures, religions! Rules that make us unhappy for no good reason! What if you're doing the same for us right now?"

I was like "I never did that! No one celebrates freedom and liberty in all aspects of life as I do, and you know and always loved that about me! You always said that I don't give a fuck and do whatever makes us happier! That's my way to live, and that's how we agreed on escaping our home, remember?"

He placed his lips on my forehead, and commented "Exactly! I agree with every word that comes from your lips, honey, and I am sure you love the sense of freedom as much as I do, but sometimes you don't realize that you're putting shackles on yourself. What if the whole idea that married couples shouldn't enjoy sex with other people is pure bullshit?! What if people made it up to cope with a disease of jealousy. Together we can break that rule and live happier than any other couple on the planet!"

I didn't like the fact that my stupid brain was getting used to Anthony's fucked up way of thinking, but I adored him so much to oppose him. So, I just asked, "How on Earth would this help our marriage and our relationship?" He explained "it is fairly simple. The whole idea that because we're married we can't sleep with anybody else feels like a prison. People never admit that at first because they're madly in love but sticking to one sexual partner for eternity is just inapplicable. So, I solved that dilemma and instead of cheating and going behind your back, I want you to be involved in all of it!"

I was speechless. I didn't know how to change Anthony's mind, how to convince him otherwise. Actually, I couldn't make a case and argue because I wasn't sure he's wrong, and in any debate, he's way more articulate than me and would make me seem stupid. On the other hand, It sounds ridiculous but maybe couples across history have been doing things wrong all along and that's why relationships never stay exciting for too long, or maybe I've lost my mind and I am just trying to find excuses for the guy I worship.

He looked me through the lashes of his half-closed breathtaking eyes and said "You know more than anybody that I am a freaking hot guy! The sexiest boys and girls through themselves in my arms all the time. On the train, the bus stations, the hospital! They're kinky and seductive and many of them made it very clear that they're interested in me. They want to have sex and fun!"

He caressed my buttocks and said "and I have to resist because I am committed to you. I always will because I am madly in love with your soul even before your body. Yet, I gotta admit they're pretty convincing and they trigger all kinds of sexual fantasies on my little, twisted mind! It is hard not to give in when the sex I had at home is ordinary. That's why I wanna revolutionize our sex life before I lose control over myself!"

He kissed my forehead and whispered "I hope you understand where I am coming from, and consider the fact that maybe one day we can have someone join us in the bedroom. Maybe someone more polite and gentle than David. I won't rush things though. I am not bringing anyone else to our wonderful mix before you give me permission to do so. Is that fair enough?"

I smiled and said "I guess so" as he left the chair, hugged me before leaving to work. He slapped my butt gently and whispered "Glad we talked about it" and I was like "me too" and he pulled the collar of my shirt to give me a good-bye kiss before whispering "don't forget that I wanna see you naked. The weekend is getting closer, and I can't wait any longer"

I blushed and whispered "You won't" as I looked at the dining table, and added "You ate nothing..." and he was like "Don't worry about my stomach. The nurses at the hospital prepare food for me every day, no matter how many times I told them not to. Just like you, they can't resist the charm" then he winked and we both laughed as he closed the door behind him.


	19. Day Nineteen

Tomorrow is our third weekend since we arrived here, and me and my husband are supposed to finally see each other naked for the first time in a decade, and I know that this isn't supposed to be a big deal and something that should've happened naturally but since it didn't, I kept trying my best not to think too much about it all day but it was too hard with the new rules Tony told me about as we reunited in bed last night.

His kinkiness aside, He claims that those rules will somehow reduce my shyness and more importantly help our already strong relationship last forever. So, I was like "let's hear those rules out" as we turned off the lights and took off our clothes. He pulled me into his arms and cuddled me under the bed cover and whispered "listen to me, little princess" while aligning our dicks together!

You should know by now that my lovely husband can't spend a second with me without reaching my butt. So, needless to say, he cupped my cheeks with his firm hands and followed "Rule number one; from now on, as the perfect, flawless couple, we're both obligated to sleep hugging each other every night no matter what! Even if we just had the biggest fight ever, when it's bedtime, we get naked just like now and YOU sleep on MY chest. Understood?" 

I kissed his beautifully hairy chest and said "Sure. This actually sounds kinda romantic, even for a fighting couple" as he smirked and went on to explain "Yeah and romance aside, this will melt down whatever boundaries that recent fight had created between us, and help us work things out" and I was like "I hope we never need that, but I'm on board."

He parted my ass cheeks, letting the air flow through the crack and added "Rule number two; as soon as I see you naked, I don't want you to put on any underwear beneath your clothes ever. As your ever-horny husband, I feel like it is my right to be able to expose and see your butt as quick and as convenient as humanly possible. So, Can you do that for me?"

I blushed and whispered what I believed to be the truth "I'll do anything for you. You know that, Anthony" as he kissed my forehead and elaborated "yes I do. Besides, the fabric of your pajamas and yoga pants is so smooth. I picked them up for you with that in mind and I'm sure it will still be comfy with no underwear, and if you feel uncomfortable with having your dick wiggling around, you can wear a jockstrap or even a thong."

Then, he jiggled my buttocks fat and followed "What I care about is that this sweat pie is covered by one layer of clothes at most and never two!" and I swear, I tried my useless best not to blush over his words and actions but I ended up burring my face in between his hairy pectorals, mumbling ever so shyly like a little kid "I'll see what works best for both of us. Bare, jockstraps or thongs. You'll be satisfied either way ... I promise" 

He smirked as he hardly managed to let go of my ass cheeks and went to explain the third new rule "Good... Good girl, and starting from this weekend, we'll have only one chair around the dining table. I'll sell the other one and you'll sit on my lap like all the time!"

I wasn't surprised given how obsessed with my hips he was lately. So I smiled and said "okay. Just don't sell the other chair right away. I'm not sure you'll be able to tolerate the heat of having me on your lap every morning even in the hot summer days. Besides, are you okay with your scrubs and labcoats getting wrinkled right before you go to work?"

He smirked, kissed my lips and said "that won't happen because you're a decent, obedient wife. In those days that I don't want my clothes to wrinkle because I have a meeting or something, you'll be either next to my chair, waiting in doggy style or even better, you'll be lying on the dining table, on your belly with your bare ass, functioning as a part of my breakfast!"

I was thinking "that's too much" but I didn't know what to say as he caressed my waist and whispered "don't overthink it. You'll like it once it happens, and the fourth and the final rule, Theo; is that starting this weekend, I'll remove the toilet door and the shower curtains. I wanna be able to see my wife during every situation of every minute of the day"

I was a bit stroke as I said "Uh! Okay ... Forget about the shower, are you sure you wanna see me on the toilet seat? Is this by any means a good idea?" and he whispered "definitely for me, and eventually for you too. You're just too shy and innocent to appreciate this right now" and before I had the chance to argue, he shut my mouth with his lips and we had a long-lasting kiss.

A kiss that I lost myself in and never cared about any of the rules nor what might happen during the weekend ever after. We melted into each other and into what felt like eternal kissing rituals which was too good to the point where I wasn't sure if my husband reached to touch my nipples, belly button and erection in the middle of it or not. I felt a fire sensation all over my groin and pubes like never before and his damn engorged lips were and will always be so perfect that I couldn't feel the rest of my body for a moment, and when I finally took a breath out of his lung, I held his cock, squeezed it and ask "any more rules?" 

I was trying to catch my breath when he shoved his tongue in my lips, bit the lower one as he twitched his massive erection against my grip and said "that's enough for now" and I involuntarily started moving my hand, stroking his shaft and asked "would you like us to have some activities down there?" and he shoved two fingers in my hole, and ever so manly used it as a handle to adjust my entire body over his and whispered "no... I know how needy you are but I'm leaving all the sex for the weekend. I wanna see what I'm fucking!"

I let out a breath of laughter against his lips and said "sure. Tomorrow it's then" and he dug his fingers deeper and whispered "You should sleep happily tonight. You're finally meeting the standards of the hardest man to please on the face of planet Earth! That's quite an achievement, Theo. I might be crazy as a top but you're a phenomenal bottom too, and probably among the best of all time. Never forget that no matter what." and I mumbled "Sure..." and it was hard to put words together when he's actively eating my lips, yet I managed to break out to say "We're quite match for one another. A match made in heaven, and none of your insane kinks nor fantasies will stop us from being this close, ever" 

Despite staying silent, I could tell that Anthony was over the moon. I gave him everything he ever wanted, willingly. He smiled in satisfaction, and that was the last thing we talked about before we collapsed with our lips attached and his cock in my hand and his fingers in my ass. I don't know if I need to say that, and I am pretty sure the reader of my diary had heard this a zillion time by now but I never got tired of repeating it. I love Anthony with every cell of my being and I have every intention to WORSHIP him. Yes you heard me right! I have every intention to worship him in every moment of the remaining days of our lives.


	20. Day Twenty

Nervous doesn't even begin to describe how I am feeling right now. It's the early hours of the awaited weekend, and it started with a shocking change of plans already, at least for someone as shy and insecure as me.

It turned out that due to an emergency for one of the staff, Anthony has to spend the next 48 hours as an on-call physician at the hospital which means that he can't be with me, right? Well, guess what?! He decided that I should go with him to his work and that we'll see each other naked for the very first time in his room there!

He kept saying that it's most likely that no other physician would be sharing the room with him and that he'll make sure that we're alone once we do it but I can't trust him in this particular issue. I tried to say "no" but my husband was so mad that I am trying to postpone what he wanted for so long once again. So, I had no choice but to give in and go with him.

Just so that you know, I won't be taking my diary with me because I don't wanna risk Tony, finding out about it. No big deal. I just wrote so many embarrassing details about our intimate moments in here, and I don't feel comfortable sharing them with him just yet! Anyway, gotta go. I can't be optimistic about that. I just hope things won't go out of control once again.


	21. Day 21

Now I understand why Anthony came up with that rule where we have to cuddle naked in bed even if we had the biggest fight ever :(

He did things ... that monster did unspeakable things to me ... 

If he wasn't hugging me tightly, and keeping a close eye on me all night, I would've found a way to kill myself already. I finally got a chance to write in my diary as he just went out to get some food.

If I never update this diary, Don't be surprised because not only it is not worth updating. My whole life is worthless and I've never been this depressed nor suicidal since Anthony saved me a decade ago. Why am I even typing any of this? It is not like anyone will read this piece of shit!


	22. Day 82

I just realized that I haven't written anything in this diary for over two months now. It feels like two decades, to be honest. A lot has happened since then and I don't even know where to begin. I guess—I will tell you everything at some point but not today for sure.

All you need to know that I didn't kill myself back then. I survived and even more surprising, I stayed with my husband. It's complicated. I tried to break up with him after what he did to me when I went with him to the hospital but I just couldn't, not because I love him but because he got so much to hold over my head.

Blackmail doesn't even begin to describe what he did. First of all, I'm alone with him in a foreign country. My family abandoned me as in their eyes; I'm just a homosexual pervert who escaped home just to have sex with another man and they believe that I've disgraced my parents, brothers and sisters, and all my relatives and friends in the process.

Secondly, Anthony is way stronger than me, and he can beat me whenever he desires, and I physically can't get away from him. He even went a step further and told the guards of the compound which we live in that I'm not allowed to leave without permission from him! I don't know how he convinced them to do that but in the two times I tried to get out of the building, they stopped me and called Tony to make sure that he was ok with it!

That's not all. It got even worse. Do you remember when me and him went out for cinema and when we got back, the apartment seemed like someone had messed with it? Yeah, it was my husband who hired a company to come when we're out and fix hidden cameras in every corner of the place; quite literally.

You might think that there was a camera in every room. No! It was way more than that! Just to put you in perspective, the bathtub alone got eight hidden cameras. There were three cameras hidden inside the toilet seat! That's how pervert Tony turned out to be. Whether I was naked or clothed, my body was being recorded from every possible angle all the time.

I knew that in the most terrifying ways. I was in a big fight with my sadistic husband and I told him that if he doesn't stop abusing me, I'll go back to my country and my family no matter what the consequences are. That's when he told me about the hidden cameras and the fact that he got not hours or days of recording but rather months! 

I remember collapsing in tears at that moment as he picked up his phone to show me some of the clips he got for me. In one of those videos; I was on the toilet seat, shoving a cucumber in and out of my butt. It must've been one of the many days I spent alone while he was away for work. The camera was recording from the bottom up, from inside the toilet, yet my face was pretty clear and recognizable.

He smirked and said "wanna go back home? Do it. Just be prepared to wake up every other week with one of your videos published on social media! Are you sure you want your religious mom and dad to see that? Are you sure you can handle all the shaming that their homophobic society will keep showering you with?"

I couldn't stop crying as I knew for a fact that I have nowhere to go. He cuddled me while I was still sobbing and followed "They already hate you... but I love you, Theo. Perhaps in my own twisted, fucked up way, but I do! I would do anything to keep you around, but if you go, I'll have a lot of free time, and I'll use it to edit your sex clips, even the zillion times I've fucked you. All I have to do is blur my face, and publish it. I can publish something new every day for months! I can get really creative with it!"

I'll never forget the moment in which I consumed my overwhelming sadness, went down on my knees, and begged him to stop. He smiled and said "so, you're staying?" and I was. So, he added, "just keep one thing in mind, if I'm to keep you here, you'll have to up your game."

He definitely enjoyed my tearful face as I looked at him in doggy style while he followed "You've always been my obedient wife, Theodore but from now on I want more than that. I want to feel no guilt in treating you like my prisoner, like my sex slave and even my living and breathing sex toy from time to time. Can you handle that?"

I remember whispering "yes, sir" in agony, and since then, we never had any fights ever again. My husband, master, and blackmailer wasn't always brutal and sadistic after that. On some nights, he was lovely and caring as he used to be before we got married, and in some others, he did things that made me wish that I never existed, but I'm coping, and I'm still alive, and I'm gonna use this diary as a way to get things off my chest once again.


	23. Day 83

Yesterday, while in bed, I looked at Tony in the eyes and he was like "what?! Why are you staring like this? We've been sleeping with my dick in your ass every night for the past two months now. Why are you acting like it's some kind of news to you?!"

I tried to keep the tune of my voice as submissive as possible before explaining "it's just—that—that you said you will stop doing this once I dance naked in front of your friends, and I did it last weekend, right?"

He French kissed me while thrusting his cock in and out a couple of times before leaving it deeper than it used to be before I asked the question. He let out a huge gush of precum inside me while answering "yes, you did dance in front of my friends last weekend"

Then he started playing with my nipples and followed "but you weren't naked for sure. You were wearing a beautiful, transparent, black bra and bikinis, remember?" and I couldn't help but blush as I admitted "yes, but it was David's idea, and you always told me to never say no to your friends!"

He smirked and said "that's true, and you did the right thing by wearing the bra and the bikinis. You even looked fabulous dancing in them. Yet, it doesn't change the fact that you weren't naked. You can try again when my friends gather next weekend"

I was upset but I whispered "sure thing" as he pushed his cock to the deepest, where his balls were touching my hole. He let go of my nipples and elaborated "just keep in mind that when I said that I won't sleep with my dick inside you after you dance naked in front of the gang, I meant that I'll stop doing it every night, but I'll still do it from time to time"

He can do whatever he wants anyway. So, I just mumbled "of course" while he asked "shouldn't you be used to it by now? Does it still hurt in the morning?" and I answered honestly "just a little, but the weird gap I feel for a few hours after you're gone is the most distracting and mind-boggling thing about it" 

He giggled and said "and by the time your anal sphincter recoils, I'm back from the hospital, fucking you once again" and I blushed and admitted "yeah… that's pretty much the case" and he added "I love that, and the butthole gapping aside, it's not as itchy as it used to be two months ago, right?" and my eyes were collecting tears at how casual he was about all of it. 

I pulled myself together and said "no. Since I started using the ointment you gave me, my butt doesn't itch as much" and he was like "good" while he made himself comfortable over me and whispered "I have a shift in the early morning… I better get some sleep" as he twitched his full erection inside me and whispered "good night, sweet slut" and just like he taught me, I hardened my glutes around his cock and replied, "good night, sir…" 

It has been over sixty nights like this. Yet, I still cry for an hour while he sleeps inside me every single time to the point where he doesn't mind it anymore. My sobbing became the noise he loves to hear while sleeping. If you're reading this, you might think that it's intolerable, and that's true. Yet, that's just a glimpse of how much he abused me since he got full control over me!


	24. Day 84

Today, before heading out in the early morning, Anthony gave me his usual goodbye kiss and asked "haven't you missed going with me to the hospital?" and I had a zillion flashback of how horrible it was to be there before smiling and saying "not really"

He smirked at the memories of what he did to me there, opened the door, and followed "I got a morning shift after all. So, I'll be busy all day and have no time to treat you well anyways." Then he was about to leave when I asked "what do you want for dinner?"

I was wearing nothing but a tank top and a thong. So, it was so convenient for him to cup my bare buttocks before whispering "your asshole!" and I was like "seriously?" While he pulled my thong fabric to the side and shoved two fingers inside me.

He enjoyed the fact that I still blush because of this despite getting fucked by him every day and sleeping with his full erection inside me every night. He flexed his fingers, smiled, and followed "I'll eat at the hospital, but when I come back, I want you to be laying on the dining table with some dessert shoved in your ass!"

I blushed and whispered "sure… do you have something specific in mind?" and he couldn't stop smirking as he pulled his fingers out, caressed my waist, and answered "not really. Just make sure you shove enough dessert for two people. I might invite someone to eat your ass with me!"

Then he walked out of the apartment so casually and concluded "it has been quite some time since I watched someone fuck you, Theo. So if any of my colleagues is interested, I would love to do it tonight." Then, he winked and followed "be a good slut while I'm gone" as he closed the door behind him!

I'll admit. I was shedding tears at how the man I used to love was okay with all of this. Besides, it hasn't been long since he saw someone fuck me! It was last weekend for Christ's sake! His friends didn't just take turns in banging me while he watches, they insisted that I dance in front of them, with the cum leaking out of my ass!

That's why they insisted on me wearing a transparent bikini as I dance because they were obsessed with seeing their loads gush out of me, and that was like a couple of days ago. Yet, my sick husband misses letting one of his friends fuck me already! I'm speechless!


	25. Day 85

Last night, I was laying naked on my belly with my hands and thighs clenching around the edges of the dining table when my husband came back. I shook my butt very subtly and gently to make sure that the chocolate cake I shoved in my ass doesn't get ruined before whispering "welcome home, sir"

Thank God he was alone. He took off his green scrubs and put them on the wooden chair in front of me. He took a moment to pull my hair, raise my head from the dining table and I parted my lips ready for his tongue to go in as usual but he placed a soft kiss on my chin instead.

He had a little caring smile before saying "I'm sorry, sweet slut but I'll have to take a quick shower. How long have you been laying on the table?" and I whispered ever so submissively "not much. Maybe twenty minutes before you arrived. I wanted the chocolate to be hot when you eat it"

He patted on my head and said "too bad, I switched shift with one of my friends and I'll have to go back to the hospital again. I'll just take a quick shower to refresh and head out. Can you wait like this till the morning? I'll eat it for breakfast for sure!"

I whispered "I can make you another one in the morning" pointing to the fact that I don't wanna stay like this for ten or more hours. He took off his stinky underwear and used it as a robe to tie my wrists together beneath the dining table to make sure that I can't leave.

He went behind me to take a look at how my ass was decorated for him. He parted my cheeks a little just to see how the chocolate oozes in my crack before whispering "you had no problem sleeping with my dick inside. You can handle this"

My eyes were full of tears as I pleaded "but the chocolate will get crusted and super—" while he interrupted "I know… I know, but I want it to be super itchy… I'm fine with that!" So, I just shut the fuck up as he kept moving around the kitchen. He poured some milk in a deep plate and came back to my front end.

He pulled my hair to raise my head again, pushed the plate beneath it, and let go of my hair just to watch my smooth round chin sink in the milk. He smirked and said, "you can drink it when you get hungry..." Then, he placed his dick in the middle of the milk, a few inches away from my lips.

He watched me open my mouth spontaneously like the obedient bitch he made me. He took a moment to appreciate how far we've come before shoving the tip of his cock in between my parted lips and whispered "I don't think this milk will be enough to keep your stomach full all night. So, I'll give you something else"

He submerged his sweaty balls in the milk I was supposed to drink when I get hungry while shoving his erection all the way through my throat into my esophagus! I knew he was gonna pee in my stomach at this point as he started playing with my hair tufts and said "I drunk a lot of coffee today. So, my urine should have enough caffeine to keep you awake until I get back!"

He loved how I uncomfortably clenched my ass while feeling his pee filling my belly. He kept his peeing stream going for more than one and a half minutes straight and it was a lot of volumes. It seemed like he didn't get to the toilet all day.

My abusive husband kept telling me to drink it all. So, that none of it leak out of my lips and ruin the milk. He pulled out while keeping the tip in my mouth. He squeezed his cock from the bottom up to make sure that he gave me the very last drops of his urine.

Yes, the milk wasn't mixed with any of it but it was mixed with my tears for sure. He pulled his balls out of the plate and didn't need to say anything. He just looked at me and despite how distracted I was with what I just tasted, I started licking his balls right away.

When his package was finally shining clean with my saliva all over it, he went to take a shower, and by the time he came back with a new scrub on, half of my face was submerged in the milk that kept increasing with how much tears I shed into it.

Just like if I wasn't struggling and despite that, I was tied up into the dining table, he got closer and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, while squeezing each of my buttocks and whispering "see you in the morning, Theodore" as he swiped his fingers across my crack to take some chocolate and kept licking them in his way out.

**Author's Note:**

> "HEY, YOU! I NEED YOUR HELP!" I have too many long-running stories at this point, and I can't tell which one to update next. So, why don't you leave me a comment below, letting me know that this is the story you're interested in. Even if it is one word like "More" "Update" or "Nice" just so I have feedback that someone out there is reading, enjoying and probably waiting for the next chapter of this work, thus move it higher in my update list :)
> 
> Peace!


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